It's OK, I'm wearing really big knickers!

What is the matter with my life? Why is it so deeply unfab? It's a day and a half now since I snogged the Sex God ... I think I have snog withdrawal. My lips keep puckering up ... I tried snogging the back of my hand, but it's no good ... It's been over a week. I wonder if it's my nose! I have a huge nose that means I have to live for ever in the ugly home.